Things heterosexual men don't text other heterosexual men

so i was having a lovely evening with B.A Tim and the Boop at Ucellos last night.... pause, and i get these texts from Scotty B.... the gayest

Caltavious: i wish u wwre here to dance wirh mwe ... not gay
Benny Lava: Very gay
Caltavious: i love you but not gay brothetr from a anotjer mather

usually when i'm the drunkest... i'm tryin to text or call a female... not my bfff

anything you text me will be used against you cause i'm a hater

- Benny Drama Lava

he didn't beat her, she just got in the way

as discussed and the not men lunch table... girl just got in the way of the boogie. sometimes when i krump out i accidently punch a bitch in the head.. we've all seen it happen

losin

- Benny Drama Lava

Lava with the assist

partake:

Caltavious: u still goim tro the game?
Benny Lava: Nah. Its in town and they bitched out. Goin to magdas thing
Caltavious: come to my place first..... which b-dubs is it at?
Benny Lava: 28th i think
Caltavious: you should come here,.. we moved!
Benny Lava: Its still far as fuck
Caltavious: yeah... but i want to fuck hil... and blakes here alone!
Benny Lava: Lol. Tell his ass to leave
Caltavious: hee cant drive!
Benny Lava: Why not?
Caltavious: drunk! he's moving away! :-(
Benny Lava: Losing. Gimme a minute. I'm shitting
Caltavious: yeah im going to take a shower with hil, winning!

act like i wouldn't post this. i'm in the bathroom with my laptop AND texting
bought to wipe my ass and get El Capitan, wonder when him or Scotty will see this

- Benny Lava

Not Shittin at Work, Shittin on Work

man, today at work I was coolin, just doin my thang... which isn't much cause I hate working at the meat market (no homo). anyway, it was after lunch right, so you know theres a good chance of 2 in the forecast. so I feel like its about time, walk my happy ass to the front, get to the bathroom and its busy. at that point I was at threat level yellow so I wasn't worried about it. told myself I'll come back in a few minutes. no big deal. so about 10 or 15 go by, I decide to try again. walk to the front, same song. still not worried but in a moment of sheer "not-giving-a-fuck-ness" I decide to just leave work to take a 2. I go get my blue adidas track coat (Armenia what up?), don't tell anyone I'm leaving and drive home. do my thang, talk to the dog for a minute, drive back. its like 2:40 when I get back.... I worked til 3.

not men

in related news, my parents, brother and sister in law are still struggling to teach my nephew how to 2 in the toilet. they are failing. should just show him this



notice the universal sign for 2 at the end
also japan is nuts