Friday, January 30

Lava with the assist


Caltavious: u still goim tro the game?
Benny Lava: Nah. Its in town and they bitched out. Goin to magdas thing
Caltavious: come to my place first..... which b-dubs is it at?
Benny Lava: 28th i think
Caltavious: you should come here,.. we moved!
Benny Lava: Its still far as fuck
Caltavious: yeah... but i want to fuck hil... and blakes here alone!
Benny Lava: Lol. Tell his ass to leave
Caltavious: hee cant drive!
Benny Lava: Why not?
Caltavious: drunk! he's moving away! :-(
Benny Lava: Losing. Gimme a minute. I'm shitting
Caltavious: yeah im going to take a shower with hil, winning!

act like i wouldn't post this. i'm in the bathroom with my laptop AND texting
bought to wipe my ass and get El Capitan, wonder when him or Scotty will see this

- Benny Lava

Sunday, January 25

What Happened?

I present to you

Last Night: A Drama Recollection

so as you may or may not have heard by now, serious business was handeled last night. lets start from the begining.... the very begining. a great many moons ago, the man Jonny D and myself joined forces for 1 night of reduckery. but no, this was no regular night, this was the night that the stars aligned, everything was right with the world and the AKA drinking team was born. that was the night he became Jonny Durango and I became Benny Lava, it was a bar mitzvah of sorts.... la heim. it was indeed a tang and vodka night where the 2 of us demolished a handle of Skyy vodka.

now lets get back to today, AKA is is over 50 members deep, we've made allies with F2B and undertook Project Mayhem (appologies if the links don't work). following the 2008 MCLA div 2 championships, many of the boys holding dual memberships in AKA and the GVSU Men's lacrosse team decided we would celebrate our accomplishments..... every wednesday..... for a dolla.... hard. it began to fizzle out but we all know it would come back together every once in a while.... either for a lacrosse wedding or another night at Mojo's. and that is why last night was special. the die hards were there, give or take.

but damn, i'm getting ahead of myself, lets draw this out some more. it was Danger's birthday yesterday. so i show up at Project Hollywood promptly at 6:50ish. brought over some jag, peach snapps and cranburry juice.... boogie juice was manifested and all was good. boogie juice is pretty much the costco version of a red headed slutted, also the best drank in the world.

A lil bit o Jager

we get a nice buzz and proceed to Raggs. park the farthest out and treck a couple blocks downtown to get to what many of you know as God's gift to white trash. we thought we'd class the place up so we were just callin it Riches... it didn't keep. this is where the night begins to get extra fuzzy

Extra Fuzzy

after Dorsey and Escobar demolish all of us in the Buffalo race. the team heads over to Mojo's to gets to boogiein. at that time, i no longer knew what time it was, where we were, or how we got there, but i knew it was time to boogie. the boogie consisted of me battling medina lopez (random mexican dude), Dixon and i krumpin, me dancin with this fine ass 28 year old hispanic chick (more on that later) and finally some douche bag pullin me off his sister (more on this also).

exactly what me and sean looked like

Sunday morning 11:47am :
Me: Sean... did we krump last night?
Royal: Yes
Me: Did you throw me?
Royal: Yes

so this fine sexy latina (as far as i remember) was about as drunk as i was, only not nearly as drunk. i was grindin the shit out of her on and off for what seemed like 17 hours. she would leave and come back with more red bull and vodka which i proceeded to drink for her, cause hey, i'm a gentleman. after about 3 or 4 cycles, me and her start to eat each others face. she says to me "come with me, I need to get my purse" i say "dahddjsdad". i go over to her table, there are a few other sexy females over the age of 25 there. so she says something along the line of "hey, i don't know his name" as her way of introducing me. i introduce myself to her friends "hi, i AM yevgeniy" then follow it up with "i never got your name". bitch goes crazy sexy crazy on me, like i'm supposed to know her name. i chuck the duce and bounce, as i'm walkin away her friend says "she really like you" in the back of my mind "biiiitch, I ain't tryina end up like magic"

so on to the next, i'm just chillin and this girl comes up to me askin me to teach her how to dance. me bein the tiredest, i show her a couple moves then pass it to the homie Tim (cool Tim who doesn't talk at the lunch table, not bitch ass Tim who shows up to everything when we don't invite him). anyway, they were dancin for a minute then i see her by herself again. so i start dancin with her for a minute and all the sudden something is pullin me. i thought nothin of it, thought it was one of the boys bein a douche tit. later i find out its the chick's brother or something. i progessivly get angrier at what happened. so we are standing there, Tim tells me the douche tit did the same thing to him and told him to "EXIT". so my rage is slowly filling. turns out what we believe to be said douche tit is standing near us, as he walks by i confront him.

the transgression as recollected by Jarrod:
Yev to dumbass: Apologize!
Yev to Tim: Hey Tim is this the right guy?
Tim: Yeah thats the piece of shit
Yev to dumbass again: Apologize!

he had non of it, Sean grabbed me and said "I'm gonna hold you back so you look cool". epic fail. so we joked about it all the way back to project hollywood "APPOLOGIZE!!!!!" "Tim, is this the guy?" really Finkeled that one.

Things I learned this weekend:
1) Raggs will never be Riches
2) Never challenge Lopez or Dorsey to a drinking competition
3) Danger is a silly bitch
4) Step Up 3: Mojo's
5) Latin bitches are as sexy as they are crazy
6) Drunk + Fight = Lose
7) McDonalds will fuck your order up at 2:34am
8) Its impossible to watch Wall-E without sayin WALE!!!
9) Sean will show you his ass any chance he gets

- Benny Lava

Friday, January 23

Futbol Fuckery

this man has a lot of balls... litterally, look at how many he must have lost. this might be from the funniest French show out there... not saying much but still.

it was almost as funny as this shit

that big purple thing has more ball control than Brandi C on Rock of Love (ask me for the link)

Wednesday, January 21


so after a 2 hour lunch with Jonny D, Sean Micheal Royal Bitches Blair and ... sorry got distracted by some J's in computer lab. I digress, after having lunch with my lacrosse boys, I've realized that white people do some crazy things. breaking my leg while skiing is something you will never see from ya boy. for 1 I do not ski, for 2 I avoid trees with the quickness (act like you never played that shit for 3 consecutive hours when you were younger). although I do spend the majority of my time doing retarded things, I do not think they would fall under the category of "White People Do This"

List of things you will see White People doing (not Caucasians, don't put that on us)
- Skiing
- Sky Diving
- Street Racing
- Bull Riding
- Extreme Sports
- Talking to Alligators
- Lion Taming
- Getting money back on their taxes
- Backyard Wrestling
- Swimming across a large body of water

you will not see any descendant of the transitional Caucus mountain region doing such, we have our heads on straight and are too busy avoiding Turks and eating lamb to do so. also wearing Adidas sweat suits and being hairy, yeah its a sterotype and yeah its true. we also smell like basterma.

aka Armenia Beef Jerky

not shown, the representative from Hayastan

in short, Armenians and other pale skinned, dark haired people with big noses and too much hair have better things to do.... like blow each other up.

too soon?

Friday, January 9

Kinda Ill

if there is one thing that most people know about ya boy, its that he loves to boogie. something about the right collation of beats that can't keep me from movin my feets (rhymes galore). last night the boogie was strong at Mojo's, which is no longer my friend due to me struggling at life today. anyway, some of you may have viewed the Adidas heavy post from a while back, I click round the youtube and found this gem.

pretty ill concept for the video, i was indeed rerunnin midway through the joint. sometimes you have to. everything looks cooler in slow motion. this video was sweet too

plans for immediate future:
pay off immediate credit card bills
buy adidas... on credit

nothing to do with this post

Wednesday, January 7


So I'm sitting in class right meow, Jonny D has shotgun on our writing adventure. teach seems like he wants to be here as much as the rest of the people in the class. "I haven't slept for 10 days.... cause that would be too long" RIP. the man will not remove his jacket because he will be leaving promptly at the end of class. no questions please, I have somewhere to be. just doled out the 1st assignment.... 3 pages.... single spaced... somebody is fuckin with the period font size in his paper. this man loves trees....


and figuratively

anyway, the man seems to not want anything to do with teaching this class nor does he seem like he is qualified to teach it. this is gonna be ra ta did

more to come in the future