Baker's Man Yup You Can Check What I'm Sprinklin

The Shit.... No Toilet

2009-02-17T13:44:00.005-05:00

Act like you don't know already. The masterminds behind your favorite blogs have joined forces to formulate the greatest blog on the innnanets. I will be poppin in from time to time to provide synopsises on music (seeing as I'm back in the game cause college is fuckin my life up), the Marvel Universe and the weekend's reduckery. Keep ya eyes open.... you just been shitted on.

- Benny Drama Lava

Things heterosexual men don't text other heterosexual men

2009-02-15T20:00:00.008-05:00

so i was having a lovely evening with B.A Tim and the Boop at Ucellos last night.... pause, and i get these texts from Scotty B.... the gayest

Caltavious: i wish u wwre here to dance wirh mwe ... not gay
Benny Lava: Very gay
Caltavious: i love you but not gay brothetr from a anotjer mather

usually when i'm the drunkest... i'm tryin to text or call a female... not my bfff

anything you text me will be used against you cause i'm a hater

- Benny Drama Lava

he didn't beat her, she just got in the way

2009-02-15T13:37:00.004-05:00

as discussed and the not men lunch table... girl just got in the way of the boogie. sometimes when i krump out i accidently punch a bitch in the head.. we've all seen it happen

losin

- Benny Drama Lava

Weird Ass Dream

2009-02-15T12:03:00.007-05:00

so being that i just woke up and its noon; the first time i've slept til noon in months, i thought i'd share a messed up dream i had last night.

it all started with me and the family watching America's Most Wanted. they were doing a profile on my old boss Tom which seems completely normal in my dream. anyway, they were filming a stretch of highway with a little cross in the median which i later learned Tom's wife died at. while filming there.... Tom shows up. it seems like he was sitting and crying at the cross before he hi-jacked a car and tryed to take off. instantly swarmed by cops but it looked like he was going to get away.... until a van hit his car.

this is where it gets nuts. some how i end up in a car, with tom, as he was fleeing to Canada. dude is all over the highway trying to get us to Canada. tell me how his wife died and that she cheated on him with his brother Pat before she died. also tells me if it was the state tropper's chasing us, they shoot us in the head with shotguns.

anyway, we end up at this tiny little motel/strip club in Canada called the something plazza.... i can't read in my dreams. there are a bunch of old people and some dime peice strippers.... also my current boss from my new job was there.... not sure if she was a stripper though. Tom told me we could get our dicks sucked off for a dollar here, i asked him if that was canadian or american money, he said canadian i said damnit. i then took a piss for what seemed like 3 hours and there was a shower running in the the public bathroom.

throughout the dream Tom had a taxi driver esche mohawk

steve the goalie

- Benny Drama Lava

Goin in

2009-02-14T20:15:00.002-05:00

its been a while since i've gotten on some good new shit. i have fallen off but thanks to the likes of pete rosenberg, cipha sounds and the internets, i bring to you some of my current favorites

Jay has always been hot to me (no homo). he has put out some of the most memorable records and worked with every ill producer out there; from kanye and pharell to diddy, timbo, blaze, dre and the best producer to ever bless the boards: primo. though kingdom come and a few of his other most recent things were a bit on the weak side he still goes hard.... even for a camel faced 40 year old (always a hater). just got that stone cold swag. remember when 50 was talkin all types of crazy shit about how his album was gonna shit on kanye's? jay just comes out on BET and tells him to "bet a million". no one likes 50 or BET though

some more youtube new shit, cause i don't know how to put audio on this shit

another ill primo produced record (there will be a primo post in the furture, fear not).

WALE!!!!!!! been on his shit since young joe tett told me bout that 100 miles and runnin a couple summers back. and yes, i did introduce royal to him at durango's ravines crip many ages ago but he slept on him for a quick minute. its all good though, the man is all bout WALE!!!!! now. and brother ali more than held his own on this one, hot fire a rum pum pum

bang! thats all you get for now

the kid might be back... why am i wathcin old people fuck on tv?

- Benny Drama Lava

Losing in 09

2009-02-02T01:33:00.001-05:00

the boy Yev is losing in 09

shits not been goin my way since past new years

first the girl breaks up with me. ya i knew it was gonna dissolve eventually but on a straight up no homo level, it was nice having that someone snuggle with and be there and shit like that and she was a pretty cool chick. also bangin it out with someone you actually have some feelings for is kinda nice. all in all i'm sure it ain't no thang but it is indeed lame as fuck being a single dude tryin to find a girl.... but there are those hood rat skeezers out there that need me, i'll stay single for them.

failed attempt at myspace foto

little while later i'm just drivin down the block like what else should a brotha do, stop at the light, hit the gas, hit a truck. my dumbass had thought the car in front of me had turned but i was clearly mistaken. $90 citation, $1736 in damage, the car is insured, i'm not on the insurence policy.... losing

angle 1

angle 2

the next day i'm havin lunch with the homies. i get up to stand in the unholy long as line to get overpriced campus food when i see my boy mike from calc class. dude is hustlin meal plans and offers me a free shirt. i take it cause its free and return to the table. not a minute later shirt is broken. sean hulked his way out of it.

broken ass sweet shirt

following lunch i had a meeting with my advisory, trying to figure out if i'm done with that son of a bitch college. she was no help, almost had me thinking i had another semester of college after this once but she didn't know what she was talking about. unfortunently my grades will not be getting me into med school at Johns Hopkins. the Yev is not motivated

went into work and realised how replaceable i was at the grown man job. they had us moving desks and i'm in the area with all the other "part timers". don't even have my own desk anymore... losing. and to compound that shit the following day at my bullshit job, they hand me the 5 years of dedicated service award. the store director, assistant store director and my manijer all called me over to present it to me, instead of saying "thanks" all i could say was "this is extremly depressing". something to commemorate how long i've been working at this slacker ass grocery store meat clerk ass job. the boy Dixon has stated on many occasions that retail is the worst, i disagree. least i got a sweet key chain out of it

congrats, you're a loser

and the latest ish, i broke my phone again after a long night of getting faded with Dixon, Danger, Dave and not bitch ass Tim.

slowly slipping into depression

- Benny Drama Lava

Lava with the assist

2009-01-30T20:37:00.006-05:00

partake:

Caltavious: u still goim tro the game?
Benny Lava: Nah. Its in town and they bitched out. Goin to magdas thing
Caltavious: come to my place first..... which b-dubs is it at?
Benny Lava: 28th i think
Caltavious: you should come here,.. we moved!
Benny Lava: Its still far as fuck
Caltavious: yeah... but i want to fuck hil... and blakes here alone!
Benny Lava: Lol. Tell his ass to leave
Caltavious: hee cant drive!
Benny Lava: Why not?
Caltavious: drunk! he's moving away! :-(
Benny Lava: Losing. Gimme a minute. I'm shitting
Caltavious: yeah im going to take a shower with hil, winning!

act like i wouldn't post this. i'm in the bathroom with my laptop AND texting
bought to wipe my ass and get El Capitan, wonder when him or Scotty will see this

- Benny Lava

What Happened?

2009-01-25T22:38:00.001-05:00

I present to you

Last Night: A Drama Recollection

so as you may or may not have heard by now, serious business was handeled last night. lets start from the begining.... the very begining. a great many moons ago, the man Jonny D and myself joined forces for 1 night of reduckery. but no, this was no regular night, this was the night that the stars aligned, everything was right with the world and the AKA drinking team was born. that was the night he became Jonny Durango and I became Benny Lava, it was a bar mitzvah of sorts.... la heim. it was indeed a tang and vodka night where the 2 of us demolished a handle of Skyy vodka.

now lets get back to today, AKA is is over 50 members deep, we've made allies with F2B and undertook Project Mayhem (appologies if the links don't work). following the 2008 MCLA div 2 championships, many of the boys holding dual memberships in AKA and the GVSU Men's lacrosse team decided we would celebrate our accomplishments..... every wednesday..... for a dolla.... hard. it began to fizzle out but we all know it would come back together every once in a while.... either for a lacrosse wedding or another night at Mojo's. and that is why last night was special. the die hards were there, give or take.

but damn, i'm getting ahead of myself, lets draw this out some more. it was Danger's birthday yesterday. so i show up at Project Hollywood promptly at 6:50ish. brought over some jag, peach snapps and cranburry juice.... boogie juice was manifested and all was good. boogie juice is pretty much the costco version of a red headed slutted, also the best drank in the world.

A lil bit o Jager

we get a nice buzz and proceed to Raggs. park the farthest out and treck a couple blocks downtown to get to what many of you know as God's gift to white trash. we thought we'd class the place up so we were just callin it Riches... it didn't keep. this is where the night begins to get extra fuzzy

Extra Fuzzy

after Dorsey and Escobar demolish all of us in the Buffalo race. the team heads over to Mojo's to gets to boogiein. at that time, i no longer knew what time it was, where we were, or how we got there, but i knew it was time to boogie. the boogie consisted of me battling medina lopez (random mexican dude), Dixon and i krumpin, me dancin with this fine ass 28 year old hispanic chick (more on that later) and finally some douche bag pullin me off his sister (more on this also).

exactly what me and sean looked like

Sunday morning 11:47am :
Me: Sean... did we krump last night?
Royal: Yes
Me: Did you throw me?
Royal: Yes

so this fine sexy latina (as far as i remember) was about as drunk as i was, only not nearly as drunk. i was grindin the shit out of her on and off for what seemed like 17 hours. she would leave and come back with more red bull and vodka which i proceeded to drink for her, cause hey, i'm a gentleman. after about 3 or 4 cycles, me and her start to eat each others face. she says to me "come with me, I need to get my purse" i say "dahddjsdad". i go over to her table, there are a few other sexy females over the age of 25 there. so she says something along the line of "hey, i don't know his name" as her way of introducing me. i introduce myself to her friends "hi, i AM yevgeniy" then follow it up with "i never got your name". bitch goes crazy sexy crazy on me, like i'm supposed to know her name. i chuck the duce and bounce, as i'm walkin away her friend says "she really like you" in the back of my mind "biiiitch, I ain't tryina end up like magic"

so on to the next, i'm just chillin and this girl comes up to me askin me to teach her how to dance. me bein the tiredest, i show her a couple moves then pass it to the homie Tim (cool Tim who doesn't talk at the lunch table, not bitch ass Tim who shows up to everything when we don't invite him). anyway, they were dancin for a minute then i see her by herself again. so i start dancin with her for a minute and all the sudden something is pullin me. i thought nothin of it, thought it was one of the boys bein a douche tit. later i find out its the chick's brother or something. i progessivly get angrier at what happened. so we are standing there, Tim tells me the douche tit did the same thing to him and told him to "EXIT". so my rage is slowly filling. turns out what we believe to be said douche tit is standing near us, as he walks by i confront him.

the transgression as recollected by Jarrod:
Yev to dumbass: Apologize!
Yev to Tim: Hey Tim is this the right guy?
Tim: Yeah thats the piece of shit
Yev to dumbass again: Apologize!

he had non of it, Sean grabbed me and said "I'm gonna hold you back so you look cool". epic fail. so we joked about it all the way back to project hollywood "APPOLOGIZE!!!!!" "Tim, is this the guy?" really Finkeled that one.

Things I learned this weekend:
1) Raggs will never be Riches
2) Never challenge Lopez or Dorsey to a drinking competition
3) Danger is a silly bitch
4) Step Up 3: Mojo's
5) Latin bitches are as sexy as they are crazy
6) Drunk + Fight = Lose
7) McDonalds will fuck your order up at 2:34am
8) Its impossible to watch Wall-E without sayin WALE!!!
9) Sean will show you his ass any chance he gets

- Benny Lava

Futbol Fuckery

2009-01-23T00:14:00.000-05:00

this man has a lot of balls... litterally, look at how many he must have lost. this might be from the funniest French show out there... not saying much but still.

it was almost as funny as this shit

that big purple thing has more ball control than Brandi C on Rock of Love (ask me for the link)

WPDT

2009-01-21T14:07:00.000-05:00

so after a 2 hour lunch with Jonny D, Sean Micheal Royal Bitches Blair and ... sorry got distracted by some J's in computer lab. I digress, after having lunch with my lacrosse boys, I've realized that white people do some crazy things. breaking my leg while skiing is something you will never see from ya boy. for 1 I do not ski, for 2 I avoid trees with the quickness (act like you never played that shit for 3 consecutive hours when you were younger). although I do spend the majority of my time doing retarded things, I do not think they would fall under the category of "White People Do This"

List of things you will see White People doing (not Caucasians, don't put that on us)
- Skiing
- Sky Diving
- Street Racing
- Bull Riding
- Extreme Sports
- Talking to Alligators
- Lion Taming
- Getting money back on their taxes
- Backyard Wrestling
- Swimming across a large body of water

you will not see any descendant of the transitional Caucus mountain region doing such, we have our heads on straight and are too busy avoiding Turks and eating lamb to do so. also wearing Adidas sweat suits and being hairy, yeah its a sterotype and yeah its true. we also smell like basterma.

aka Armenia Beef Jerky

not shown, the representative from Hayastan

in short, Armenians and other pale skinned, dark haired people with big noses and too much hair have better things to do.... like blow each other up.

too soon?

Kinda Ill

2009-01-09T00:48:00.000-05:00

if there is one thing that most people know about ya boy, its that he loves to boogie. something about the right collation of beats that can't keep me from movin my feets (rhymes galore). last night the boogie was strong at Mojo's, which is no longer my friend due to me struggling at life today. anyway, some of you may have viewed the Adidas heavy post from a while back, I click round the youtube and found this gem.

pretty ill concept for the video, i was indeed rerunnin midway through the joint. sometimes you have to. everything looks cooler in slow motion. this video was sweet too

plans for immediate future:
graduate
pay off immediate credit card bills
buy adidas... on credit

nothing to do with this post

Classki

2009-01-07T11:21:00.001-05:00

So I'm sitting in class right meow, Jonny D has shotgun on our writing adventure. teach seems like he wants to be here as much as the rest of the people in the class. "I haven't slept for 10 days.... cause that would be too long" RIP. the man will not remove his jacket because he will be leaving promptly at the end of class. no questions please, I have somewhere to be. just doled out the 1st assignment.... 3 pages.... single spaced... somebody is fuckin with the period font size in his paper. this man loves trees....

literally

and figuratively

anyway, the man seems to not want anything to do with teaching this class nor does he seem like he is qualified to teach it. this is gonna be ra ta did

more to come in the future

I'd Lose My Shit if this Happened

2008-12-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

that is bonkers. when I was younger I always wanted to be on the Price is Right. my career goals were winning shit and not getting a job.... too bad they still are.

some Price is Right facts:
- Bob Barker is a pimp
- Drew Carey is not Bob Barker
- Bob Barker doesn't age, he just stays old
- Bob Barker smashed the showcase hunnies
- Many showcase hunnies are in fact playboy models (Heather Kozar, Dian Parkinson, Cindy Margolis... whatup)
- Drew Carey was funny once, now he can die

overall, I think that old dude winning both showcases is some bullshit. either the man did his research or is in fact from the future or they told him what to bid before hand or changed the price to match because the show is garbage now that Bob is gone and they need to boost the ratings.

I still watch it when I can

Chuck Ain't Got Shit on Bruce

2008-11-28T12:09:00.000-05:00

this shit is ill

these nokia commercials are kinda funny style

ya boy Yevgeniy used to do Kung Fu when he was younger, right before I found lacrosse and converted. there might be a video of me and young christ having a kung fu battle back from high school somewhere. el capitan may have it in the archives, be on the look out

also, Bruce loves candy

Adidas

2008-11-26T01:40:00.000-05:00

moments like these remind me why I've been exclusivly rockin Adidas on my feets since high school.... well at least almost exclusivly (nike cleats and some aldo dress shoes... got to)

I want to be at that party for reals
new years resolution 09... only rock adidas

The Next Level

2008-11-22T16:27:00.000-05:00

I posted this a long ass time ago during the lympics I think, this version is more sweet. still pretty old

nike futbol commercials stay winning, this is a fact.
nike commercials in general

instance

in this day in age it’s very rare to see someone play a sport with all their heart. paychecks and endorsements have gotten in the way of what really matters. sometimes I wonder if a pro's past self, perhaps their high school or even college self would be able to go to the future and visit themselves. I bet there would be a lot of ass kicking reality checks. it’s ridiculous how anyone can get paid soo much for doing something they should be willing to do for free. not hatin, professional athletes are in fact gods to some and almost every young boy wants to become one when they grow up. but sometimes it is a damn shame.

on another note, what would it actually take for futbol (soccer) to get big in the US? bringing in the biggest name in the game didn't work (twice). I figure anything the US isn't dominant in, they don't fuck with

Not Shittin at Work, Shittin on Work

2008-11-22T15:27:00.001-05:00

man, today at work I was coolin, just doin my thang... which isn't much cause I hate working at the meat market (no homo). anyway, it was after lunch right, so you know theres a good chance of 2 in the forecast. so I feel like its about time, walk my happy ass to the front, get to the bathroom and its busy. at that point I was at threat level yellow so I wasn't worried about it. told myself I'll come back in a few minutes. no big deal. so about 10 or 15 go by, I decide to try again. walk to the front, same song. still not worried but in a moment of sheer "not-giving-a-fuck-ness" I decide to just leave work to take a 2. I go get my blue adidas track coat (Armenia what up?), don't tell anyone I'm leaving and drive home. do my thang, talk to the dog for a minute, drive back. its like 2:40 when I get back.... I worked til 3.

not men

in related news, my parents, brother and sister in law are still struggling to teach my nephew how to 2 in the toilet. they are failing. should just show him this

notice the universal sign for 2 at the end
also japan is nuts

Beginning of the End

2008-11-17T23:28:00.001-05:00

AHHHHHH, What am I getting into right now? A creative way to not get anything accomplished?

we'll see what the future holds

things you may see in young blog:
sillyness
hip-hop
Socrates’ philosophies and hypotheses
my philosophies about blocks and keys
boobs
redickery

also, not jackin Royal's format, just too lazy to fuck with the scheme yet ya dig?

I used to have a xanga..... no homo